Justin Friel Counseling Services

I became a therapist because I've walked alone for much of my life, especially as a chubby gay kid with a lisp growing up in a religious family in Southwest Missouri. Also, for as long as I can remember, people in my life have sought me out when they were going through a challenging time or needed advice about something. I don't think it was because I had it all figured out but because I was good at listening, and people knew I wouldn't judge them. It's a profession that found me, and as I learned more about myself and through my clinical training, I realized that I have a passion for helping people heal, grow, and become the person they want to be.

I'm a therapist because I want to be the safe, encouraging healer I wish I had when I was a kid, an angsty teen, and a confused young adult. And don't think I have it all together – us therapists are doing the best we can like everyone else, but we learn how to hold space for people and help them make sense of their lives. You might notice by now that I am not some detached, overly clinical therapist. I believe that the relationship I form with my clients is the most important part of my work and is the source of healing. And since we don't form close relationships with people we don't know, I want my clients to know me so they can better trust me. So, with that in mind, here is a bit more about me!

I grew up in rural Missouri in a conservative Christian family. During my sophomore year of high school, around the same time my parents divorced, I started attending an evangelical church, which became an essential part of my life. My experience in Christianity is a mixture of joy and sorrow (I'll get to more of the sorrow later) and has fundamentally shaped who I am today. One of the ways that it shaped me was that after college, I went to a small, very conservative college, Johnson Bible College in Knoxville, Tennessee, where I majored in Bible and Preaching – thinking that I wanted to become a pastor.

I realized that wasn't the path for me and decided to pursue a career in therapy. So, I went to Richmont Graduate University, where I got a Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy with a specialization in Sex Therapy, graduating in 2013. That training helped me to see how our early life and family dynamics shape so much of who we are and how we show up in the world, and the sex therapy training gave me the tools to make space for people to talk about what is often one of the most hidden parts of ourselves.

As I was completing my master's, I realized how exhausted and burned out I was after a challenging graduate program – I needed some time and space to recuperate. The first place I went for that space was England, where I spent seven months living, working, and studying with the L'Abri Fellowship. L'Abri is a Christian study community that takes seriously the practice of hospitality and making space for people to wrestle with the big questions of life. After my time at L'Abri, I apprenticed on a farm in Iowa that focused on sustainable community-based agriculture. After the farm, I moved back to Knoxville in the fall of 2014 and worked for a year with Habitat for Humanity. After these "gap years," I better understood who I was and the sort of therapist I wanted to be, so I started working as a staff therapist at a group practice. I started working in that group practice in 2016, and in 2019 I left to start my independent private practice.

During this time I was still very connected to Christianity, and within that commitment, I believed that the "right" and "good" thing for me to do was to be celibate or to marry a woman. I everything I could to do the “right thing," but I just couldn't live that life anymore. So, in 2018, I started the process of coming out of the closet and leaving behind Christianity. This process was incredibly painful, in part, because every aspect of my life was bound up in my Christianity. By coming out, I lost most of my friends and the people close to me, it was still the best decision I ever made, though, because being able to live as my true self has made it so very worth it.

As I was going through this process, and especially during COVID-19, I noticed that many of my clients, friends, and people all over the world found themselves confronting their beliefs, and many of them deconstructing those beliefs in part or in whole. In wanting to understand this phenomenon more, in 2021 I moved to Denver to pursue a PhD in religious studies. I am in a Joint Doctoral Program with the University of Denver and Iliff School of Theology, where I primarily study the ways religion, politics, and culture shape the formation and performance of queer identities. I also study Christian nationalism, online life, and faith deconstruction.

When I think of my studies, there's a quote from a podcast that comes to mind often: "You may be done with religion, but religion isn't done with you." I might be done with Christianity, but it isn't done with me. While I no longer consider myself a Christian, I am still shaped and influenced by it – and not just in painful ways. Spirituality has always been very important to me, and it still is – but now it's important in different ways. While my faith and spiritual practices continue to shape who I am as a person and a therapist, it is my journey, and I respect that some people are on very different journeys. I will always do my best to honor and respect your spiritual journey, values, and practices.

We generally seek help and guidance from people who have been through similar things. This is why I want people to know I have a faith background and love discussing spirituality. Like many of my clients, I have been deeply hurt by religion, and a large part of my work is working through those issues. It’s important for our relationship that you also have an idea of what I've walked through. If you're going through a similar journey, I have a pretty good lay of the land.

The goal of my client work is to help people live fulfilling lives that are healthy, allow them to grow at the pace they desire, and give them the freedom and empowerment to live a life they truly want to live. Just as I have a unique life and path, so do you! Which is why I never aim to push my beliefs upon others or judge someone's life and choices. With that in mind, I draw on my experiences to engage my clients' lives and to better utilize my skills and training. I think this makes for effective and healing therapy.

So what about when I’m not in my therapy office? Well I’m a bit of a coffee addict, and you’ll often find me outside gardening or camping. I live with a rescue cat named Dobby who demands lots of belly rubs, requires long naps on windowsills, and frequent trash hunting adventures. As my screen time reports reveal I spend too much time on TikTok, and I still love to build Lego sets. Lastly, I’m an avid reader. Some of my favorite authors are Wendell Berry, Henri Nouwen, Barbara Brown Taylor, Chaim Potok, Brandon Sanderson, and James SA Corey.